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Hallmark Cards has created a new holiday centered around April 1 st . It is now called False Resolutions Day. Hallmark is coming out with a new set of cards with blank lines for resolutions that can be sent to specific people, but that you know you will be unable to keep.

For example, you could send a spouse, child friend or parents your pledge to be more tolerant, more giving, and less demanding, fully knowing that you will be unable to do so for more than a week. But it doesn't matter, because this is traditionally April Fools Day. Its' really just a joke. So in the spirit of False Resolutions Day, here are my resolutions to my athletes.

To My Athletes

I promise no longer to tell endless stories about Melody Johnson, Lynn Liberatore and the 1986 team.

I promise to let you run whatever event you want to, no matter what you are best in or how it will affect your team.

I promise to eliminate all guilt trips, especially the ones centered on you deserting the team to go on vacation.

I promise to smile more than I will frown.

I promise that when you tell me you're missing practice but you'll run on your own, I'll pretend to think it is a valid compromise.

I promise to grow hair on the top of my head.

I'll promise to only take your picture if you want me to.

I promise I will not poke fun at you, even though you set yourself up for it.

I promise that practices will no longer make you tired, sweaty or sore.

I promise to care about your Prom pictures.

I promise to dumb-down my analogies so they won't go flying over your heads.

I promise to keep the Spring Track Banquet short.

I promise to let Mr. Weldon bring popsicles to my practices if he wants to.

I promise the distance runners I'll join them on all long runs for the rest of the season.

I promise not to care anymore about what it takes to make you find “that special person hidden inside you”.

In the spirit of False Resolutions Day, the likelihood that any of these will happen is remote. But you can always hope!